Editors' Picks Six Valentine's Day Watches That Run The Gamut From Extremely On Theme To Merely Pink

Franck Muller Vanguard Lady Heart in Red

Malaika: This might be a controversial watch coming from someone with the title "Style Editor." Oh well! It makes me think of scrolling on Tumblr and of Kelis in the early 2000s in her "Milkshake" era. Would wear. I hope this watch is really big. 

Sarah: It is - it says it's 31mm by 41mm on the website. That makes me like it more. It is not only largely hideous, in a good way, it is largely large. I would totally wear this watch — it's so obnoxious, why is that?  This watch really makes you understand how the heart is a universally pleasing shape, how it was a good idea to have this thing represent the actual human heart, which of course looks nothing like this.

Malaika: What is up with that number seven?

Sarah: It appears to be disintegrating? It gets to what's amazing about this watch. It's sweet (hearts) but then it's also sinister (bizarre layout, numbers disappearing).

Malaika: Oh right, it's very One-Eyed Jack's from Twin Peaks. Remember how Audrey Horne and all those girls wore those frilly lace and red accented uniforms with hearts and bows? 

Sarah: Oh yes, yes. You totally nailed it. There's something about the tonneau shape that's refined and gaudy at the same time. 

Chopard Happy Diamond Heart Ladies' Watch in 18 Karat Yellow Gold

Malaika: Now, I realize that we have a pact about no floating diamonds — but as you can see I'm breaking it. That said, this is definitely a watch for people with no arm hair. And I'm not usually into the snow globe approach; I just love that it's so unique and I feel like I haven't seen anything like this before.

Sarah: It's like your grandmother would have it and you'd play with it while she was on the phone and just be super bored. This watch is both very grandmother-y and has a most-popular-girl-in-your-high-school vibe. The patent leather with gold reminds me of a thrift-store purse in a good way. 

Malaika: The only way to get away with this watch would be to wear it with something that makes absolutely no sense, like huge baggy clothes. I could see a Tompkins Square Park skate rat wearing something like this. All the boys in NYC have caught on to this small ladies' watch trend already. 

Sarah:Oh, wow. That is genius. I never would have thought of that. I guess that's why you are the Style Editor.

Cartier Must De Cartier Tank, Red Dial

Malaika: This is the most serious contender in the Valentine's Day line-up for me, not a hint of irony in sight here. It's such a fun version of a classic. And Must de Cartier is an entry point for someone who wants something from Cartier. If my boyfriend gave me this watch – well, maybe I won't say what would happen – but I will just say this watch is gorgeous. 

Sarah: If my boyfriend gave me this watch I would be truly astonished since he doesn't even know what Cartier is. Yes, this watch is perfect. I gasped when you texted this to me as one of your choices partly because I was annoyed that you beat me to it, but mostly because once you want to own this watch you can't stop thinking about it.

Malaika: My style is 50 percent girl in her late teens trying to get into a bar, 25 percent eight-year-old boy in overalls, 25 percent aspirational adult. Style-wise, this is the watch for the adult in me.

Sarah: Yeah, I can see your maturity increasing the moment you put this on your wrist. What a sight that would be to behold! What would you wear it with?

Malaika: Anything. 

Hermès Kelly Watch

Malaika: I feel like there's a lot of sex in this watch.

Sarah: Oh really? Where is it? Can you point it out to me?

 Malaika: (disdainfully) Because it's like a dog collar?

Sarah: (blithely) Oh, right I didn't notice that. I am very innocent. I can't tell if I hate this watch or not. I'd have to see it in person. It might be in the category of "I like it and I know it would look stupid on me, therefore I don't like it anymore in defense of my own feelings." Do you ever hate things just right off the bat out of spite because you think they wouldn't look good on you?  

Malaika: No. I'm very okay with appreciating something and knowing it's not for me. That skill kind of falls under my job description, don't you think? If they made it in yellow gold I think I would have already purchased it. I really love the vintage yellow-gold Kelly watches that come on a leather strap. So unpractical but so cool. 

Sarah: Yeah, I still feel like I'd have to see it in person.

Malaika: And I'm telling you if you saw this watch you'd love it. End of story. 

Tiffany 28mm Eternity in White Gold with Diamonds

Sarah: This watch screams "my rich parents or my husband who works at a hedge fund got this for me as a b-school graduation gift but I work in microfinance so I won't wear it to the office." It's so aggressively Anna Kendrick but I still just can't help but want it. Although I think it's probably a little small for me at 28mm. But if it were bigger it would be a little too Vegas seeing as it does kind of have dogs playing poker vibes already.

Malaika: I always forget that Tiffany makes watches— there's real untapped potential there.

I hate to break it to you but this watch does nothing for me. And that strap looks like a piece of ribbon from J & M trimming.

Sarah: Hahahaahaha. The grosgrain ribbon strap makes me think of The Preppy Handbook. I know we both love The Preppy Handbook.  This watch doesn't touch that nerve for you? I know it's kind of lazy design-wise, like, "here are some diamonds in different shapes on a black background, heart at six, enjoy!"  It's quartz. I mean, it's just a fashion watch that costs a lot of money. And yet, I wish it were mine.

Malaika: Wow, you're still talking. There's only one thing to say about this watch: It's women waiting for their husbands to finish playing golf so they can join them for a lobster roll and a glass of Whispering Angel at The Misquamicut Club.

Sarah: Well, that sounds delicious except for the wine. And the golf. And the husband playing golf. Can I just have the lobster roll and the watch?

Hublot Big Bang One Click Pink Sapphire Diamonds Watch

Sarah: I just really want a pink Hublot so bad. I mean, I wouldn't think a watch like this would be my thing but I look so good in large, overdone, garish pink watches, I just can't help myself. I feel like it somehow works for my personality – it's aggressive but also fun and silly but also the best, just like me.  I feel like no woman in the world would be upset to get a diamond-bezel Hublot for Valentine's Day.

Malaika: I would love to rewind 10 years and go to a Valentine's Day rave in this watch. It's the anti-Valentine's Day Valentine's Day watch. In my fantasy world, I have the yellow and you have the pink — off to the club we go.

Sarah: I'll just walk you to the club and then I will go home and switch out my Hublot for a Tank and read like, I don't know — Town & Country? I'll have my glass of  Kistler chardonnay then come make sure you and your yellow SAXEM don't get up to too much mischief.

Rolex Oyster Perpetual with Pink Dial

Sarah: I tend to like watches that are sort of very overdone, like a Hublot, but then I really like the plain quality of this Rolex, where the only feature on it is the dial color. I think the stainless steel with the pink is a very nice contrast of hard and soft. I know you'd probably never wear stainless steel but this watch is just so perfect. 

Malaika: Are you forgetting that I own a Rolex Explorer? I think this watch is perfect. I really have nothing bad to say about it. Although it's the kind of watch that I can imagine a posh London Chelsea mum wearing on the school run in her Uggs and cashmere sweatpants. She'd be driving a Range Rover and wearing an Hermès Evelyne bag. 

Sarah: Why are you making fun of my dream life?